23 Things about me

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Well, my birthday is rapidly approaching. The big 2-3. No more feelin' 22, because no one likes you when you're 23. (See what I did there? I had to.) Anyway, since we've gained a ton of new readers in the last few weeks, I thought I'd tell everyone a little bit more about myself. Here's 23 facts about me to celebrate the addition of one more notch to the birthday belt.

1. My middle name is Amy.
2. I was born in the Big Apple, although I was never a resident of Manhattan. 
3. I was a dance minor in college.
4. I don't actually remember meeting my husband. He has a pretty clear memory of meeting me, but my first memory of him happened weeks later. As it turns out, we were apparently in the same place at the same time months before but neither one of us remembers that so we don't count it.

5. I have identical birthmarks. One on the back of my neck and the other behind my right knee. 
6. Parenthood is my all time favorite TV show. I put off watching the series finale for months because even though I knew what happened, I wasn't mentally prepared for the show to be over.
7. I wear converses, a lot. I've owned 20+ pairs in my life.
8. I joined the coconut oil bandwagon a while ago, and never looked back. Similar to my love of Franks Red Hot, I put that shit on everything.
9. I've seen all of the Will Ferrel movies that exist, one too many times. You can blame Jordan for that one.
10. I've had my drivers license for almost 6 years, and I've owned 5 cars. 
11. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life if and when I grow up. I plan on going back to school when we move, but I have no idea what I'll major in. 
12. My hoodie collection is extensive. I clean them out once a year and I still have more than anyone else I know. Also, don't leave any of your hoodies lying around near me because I will steal them.
13. My favorite color is yellow.
14. I own an embarrassingly large number of black yoga pants/leggings. Sorry not sorry.
15. I always wear socks inside the house, but I prefer to be barefoot outside if it's warm enough.
16. I have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to weddings even though I've been married over 3 years. I figure maybe one day we'll have a vow renewal... a girl can dream can't she?
17. I like online shopping - a lot. Getting mail is fun, even at my age!
18. I probably tweet way too often, even though it's mostly just song lyrics or me complaining about the stupidity of people around me. Follow me here!
19. I only get about 5-6 hours of sleep per night. I'll sleep when I'm dead, I guess.
20. I never liked or appreciated my hair until I was like...20? I tried to change it so often when I was younger, I'm glad I never dyed it dark permanently or I might have altered the color forever.
21. I'm terribly loyal, which sometimes results in me getting hurt. It makes me a great friend though, for those who've stuck around.
22. I've seen the entire series of Glee three times, and some episodes even more. (Not exactly proud of this one, go ahead and laugh - I did writing this.)

23. I think this could be the best year yet. I'm finally happy with myself, and the direction my life is headed in and I'm really excited about that.

It was a lot harder to come up with 23 interesting facts about myself. I'm a pretty boring person. Are these even interesting?

Mother's Day 2015

Sunday, May 10, 2015

"I really saw clearly, and for the first time, why a mother is really important. Not just because she feeds and also loves and cuddles and even mollycoddles a child, but because in an interesting and maybe an eerie and unworldly way, she stands in the gap. She stands between the unknown and the known." - Maya Angelou.

Thanks for giving me the chance to know real love, Charlotte. You are the light of my life and you make my heart whole. I promise to always stand in the gap, and to help you explore everything unfamiliar. This day has a whole new meaning, because of you. I love you, back and moon.

Happy Mother's Day to all my favorite moms. My mother, my mother-in-law, Charlotte's Great Grandmothers, my aunts and everyone else who's been lucky enough to experience the love a child has to offer. You all deserve the world, and more.

50 reasons my husband is awesome,
even when he's not.

Friday, May 1, 2015

Sometimes in life, it's really easy to focus on the negative things. We tend to let ourselves sweat the small stuff, even though the small stuff usually turns out to be trivial or irrelevant. I don't know about you, but I'm definitely guilty of this. Sometimes we momentarily forget just how great our spouses or significant others are. I know sometimes I get annoyed with something tiny and forget just how much Jordan does for me on a daily basis. I love my husband, and since he's been gone I've been trying to make an effort to focus only on the positives from now on. I want to remind myself everyday that I'm so blessed to have a man like him for a partner in life, and best friend.

That being said, here's a list of 50 reasons why even though sometimes I fantasize about stabbing him with a butter knife, he's not so bad after all. 

1. He provides for our little family.
2. He's funny.
3. He's kind.
4. He helps around the house when I need it. 
5. He's dependable.
6. He's handy.
7. He's trustworthy.
8. He's family oriented (he loves his mom so much, it's adorable). 
9. He works hard.
10. He's responsible.
11. He's a good decision maker (he balances me out, I'm dangerously impulsive most of the time).
12. He's smart.
13. He "plays" with me, and reminds me that sometimes it's okay to be silly.
14. He still gives me butterflies, even after almost 5 years.
15. He's so cute when he's sleeping.
16. He totally gets me, and all of my weird quirks.
17. He plans for our future.
18. He'll occasionally watch girly shows with me (with some persuasion).
19. He compliments me, usually when I need it most.
20. He does little things for me like cleaning out my car, or rubbing my feet after a long shift when I was working.
21. He's fully committed to our marriage.
22. He's honest.
23. He's forgiving, something that's come in handy over the last two years.
24. He makes me laugh, a lot.
25. He puts me first.
26. He never objected to being on diaper duty.
27. He's an amazing father to our little girl.
28. He's always willing to push the stroller.
29. He values my opinions.
30. He validates my feelings, no matter how silly or ridiculous they may be.
31. He's respectful.
32. He loves life, and tends to be more optimistic than me.
33. He's an outdoorsman and is always up for an adventure.
34. He's not a worrier, unlike me - I worry about everything.
35. He protects me.
36. He has the best smile, seriously.
37. He's a great friend.
38. He taught me all about football. Although he still makes fun of me for not knowing who Joe Paterno was when we met. Oops!
39. He lets me pick the music in the car, most of the time.
40. He looks great in his new uniform. ;)
41. He's never made me feel insecure.
42. He makes sure I always know how much I mean to him.
43. He takes out the trash, because he knows I hate being outside alone at night.
44. He very rarely tells me no.
45. He smells good - usually. Sorry babe!
46. He got me flowers once, just because it was a Wednesday.
47. He goes along with my traditions, no matter how silly (i.e. McDonalds every Valentine's Day).
48. He's always willing to get up with Charlotte so I can sleep in on the weekends.
49. He loves me unconditionally.
50. And finally, out of everyone in this world - he picked me. 

I don't know how I got so lucky, but I'm so glad I did.

9 Conversations I wish I could stop having

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm new to this whole Military life thing. In the world of MilSOs I'm just a newborn baby. Sometimes I'm still not sure if I really know what I'm getting myself into here.

That being said, there are things people have said since Jordan left that are so incredibly frustrating to me. No matter what, I married Jordan. In fact, I married Jordan long before the Air Force was a thought in his mind. He is my husband, and military or not that will never change. I know most people have nothing but good intentions, but being away from my husband is hard enough without having to answer these questions or listen to these comments that only make me feel worse.

1. What about your career?
 - What about it? Just because Jordan joined the Air Force doesn't mean I have to sit at home and be miserable, depending on him forever. Of course I have to make some sacrifices, and I have to adapt my plans around the military's schedule assuming Jordan makes a career out of this. He supports me, and wants me to go back to school no matter what. My plans may change, but I'm perfectly capable of supporting my husband without giving up my own life.

2. How long until he gets out?
- First of all, the military isn't prison. Yes there are rules, no he can't leave whenever he wants, but Jordan willingly chose this life. Pretty sure you don't choose prison. He signed a six year contract, but he has every intention as of now to re-enlist when it's over.

3. I don't think I could handle it/How do you do it?
- I know this one is generally said with the best intentions, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating. You'd be amazed at what love can do. I love Jordan, so I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be with him. It sucks, and it's hard but it's worth it.

4. Aren't you worried about Charlotte?
- Why? Because she has a father who loves her and supports her? Because he's decided to make sacrifices so she can have a better life? Yes, there are moments when it's awful. Hearing her cry for Daddy at night isn't fun, but kids are easily molded. She'll get used to whatever life throws her way. I hope in time, this life will make our family stronger. In the end, I hope it will teach Charlotte and any other kids I have about family, sacrifice and love. 

5. I wish I could send my husband away, I could use a break!
- Oh, this is the worst one. No you don't. I actually had someone say this to me and it was so hard to bite my tongue. Would I like to send him away for a few days sometimes so I can binge watch Glee in my underwear? Sure, in fact I'd like him to take Charlotte with him. But no amount of dirty socks, bickering, or smelly farts could make me want to send him away for six months. 

6. Don't worry, the time will fly by! It'll be August before you know it.
- No, no it won't. The time doesn't fly by, in fact it moves incredibly slow. Birds fly, planes fly, time however does not. I can keep busy with Charlotte, work out, take up a new hobby, but it is still today. Time does not fly, it crawls while you run and then it laughs at you when you realize you can't cross the finish like until it catches up.

7. Wow, you must really miss him.
- Duh? Of course I miss him. I miss him every second of every day, and no I didn't need you to remind me of that.

8. Aren't you scared he'll get deployed?
- Well, yes. That's part of the military. Jordan knows that, and so do I. But I'm not going to let myself worry about that until it's actually happening. Jordan may never get deployed, or he may go through multiple deployments but we haven't even finished training yet so it's not really something I worry about right now.

9. When are you going to have another baby?
- Anyone who knows me at all, knows I have the worst baby fever - ever. However, it's kind of hard to have a baby when I'm in New Jersey and Jordan is in Texas. When we decide to have another one, I'll let you know but it'll probably be a while. 

I'm so excited for this adventure. I can't wait to start this new life with Jordan, but this isn't easy. It's harder than I expected to be honest. However, I love Jordan so much I'm willing to go to the ends of the earth to be with him. 

BMT Weekend

Monday, April 27, 2015

Well, it's Monday morning. The emotional hangover is strong over here, we're all a little off trying to recover from the roller coaster that was this weekend.

Jordan has a week left of Basic Training called Capstone, and then he'll start Tech School, the second part of his training on May 8th. That part is 65 week days, or 13 weeks and then he'll be back home with us until we move. Hopefully we'll find out where we're moving sooner rather than later because the suspense is killing me!

We spent Saturday at Sea World, before Jordan and I spent some time alone back at the hotel and Sunday we went to church (which was really cool!), saw all the planes at the Parade Grounds, visited the Alamo and then had a nice dinner at the Riverwalk.

I didn't take many pictures at Sea World, but I'll have more when I get my mom's pictures.

It's a strange experience, waking up every morning without my husband, spending the day with him, then dropping him off each night and going to sleep without him. Charlotte has asked for him a few times this morning, but I honestly think she's used to not having him here because I told her Daddy was at work, and she didn't even bat an eye. It's heartbreaking to think she's become used to not having him around, but I'm glad because it makes it easier on me when I don't have to console her. I've taken pretty well to playing the role of both parents, but I'll be glad when this is all over and I have some help. I know I said this before, but I really am so proud of my husband. He's made such huge strides since he left, and he's become an amazing man in just seven short weeks. I can't imagine a better father for Charlotte, or husband for myself. I can't wait to see how much more he's changed when we see him in August. Fourteen weeks is a long time, but at least this time we'll be able to talk to him and FaceTime! Charlotte is my partner in crime and I'm sure this summer will be filled with tons of fun to keep us busy while we wait for Daddy to get home. She always keeps me on my feet, and makes me laugh when I'm sad. She's a smart kid and she knows it's just me and her trying to figure it all out. I'm so glad I have her to keep me focused when I need it.

Thank you so much to everyone who's reached out, or sent their love during the last eight weeks. Charlotte and I wouldn't get through this so easily without any of you. We really appreciate it! And if anyone is interested in getting in touch with Jordan while he's gone, don't hesitate to ask!

BMT Graduation

Friday, April 24, 2015

Well, the weather today wasn't so great. Unfortunately, the graduation parade was cancelled, but they held small ceremonies for each individual squadron so we still got to experience a little bit. It was so exciting to see Jordan in his dress blues and to hear his flight be recognized as Honor Flight! I can't say I'm surprised to hear that my husband was a part of the Honor Flight, haha anyone who knows him knows what I mean! But I was so proud to know that he had accomplished so much while he was there. We didn't take as many pictures today, but here's what I've got for now!

Charlotte was pretty much done with pictures at this point, poor baby!

Jordan's bed - I wonder how much his feet hang off the edge?

His wall locker is on the right!

After Jordan's graduation, him and I spent some time alone (yay!) while Grammy took Charlotte to hangout with everyone else. We met up with everyone later and spent some time at the Riverwalk doing some sightseeing. Tomorrow Jordan gets a town pass for the entire day, so his dad and I are going to pick him up in the morning and bring him back here to spend some time with Charlotte before we all head out for the day. It's definitely a strange experience, dropping my husband off at the end of the night, but if this experience has taught me anything - it's to appreciate the moments I get and not to dwell on the ones I miss out on. Can't wait to see him again in the morning!

We go to the Texas?

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Well, we made it. Seven and a half weeks ago, Jordan left us for Basic Training and now here we are at his graduation. I can't believe it's finally here. Charlotte has been asking all week if it was time to go to "The Texas" and she's been telling everyone we see "I go to Texas and see my Daddy!" It's been so nice to see Jordan, Charlotte got so excited during the Airman's run she burst into tears! It's a little strange not being able to hold my husbands hand, or hug him whenever I want, but just seeing his face has been enough to make my heart swell. You know, it's funny - the past eight weeks haven't been so bad. I mean, of course I missed Jordan and of course there were some challenges but all together, it wasn't horrible. I will say though, I had no idea just how much I missed Jordan until I actually saw him. It was like all of these emotions just came flooding back (and so did the tears). I took so many pictures, and I'll post more after the trip but here's a little bit of what we did today! I know we have a ton of family at home who's been dying to see them.

When we saw Daddy during the run!

Jordan is the first one, fourth row from the right.

Here he is getting his Airman's coin!

Charlotte and I went to "tap out" Daddy.

Grammy got Charlotte a "Daddy Bear" who of course went to sleep with her tonight!

Jordan and I didn't get much time alone today, but in the few minutes we did get we had a chance to talk a little bit, which was such a good feeling. We've had a really, really hard year. We both made mistakes and we both considered walking away. Having this time apart to think about what we really want has been the best thing that's ever happened to us. I know now, without a doubt that Jordan is my home. He's my best friend, and the love of my life and I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I'm so unbelievably proud of the man he's become in just eight short weeks, and I'm so grateful that he's willing to sacrifice so much to honor his country and take care of his family. This is a new adventure for us, one that we're embracing with open arms. I can't wait to see where it takes us, but for now I just want to spend this weekend soaking up every minute with the man I love before we leave him again until August.

is it august yet?

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Today has been a long day. Probably the longest day I've had since Jordan left and it's only 5:30. In general, Charlotte and I have a pretty good system worked out. We make it through each day with minimal stress and usually no tears. Today however, was different. I haven't been sleeping much the past few days. Those of you who know me, know I don't sleep much anyway but it's been worse than usual this week which probably isn't helping.

I dropped Charlotte off with my Aunt this morning so I could go to the gym. Then my Aunts took her down to my other Aunt's house for a birthday party and I met them there. The party was fun, but a little over stimulating for Charlotte because she's not used to having so many kids around to play with. By the time we left, we were both exhausted. I haven't slept and she skipped her nap. I was trying to reinstall Charlotte's carseat in my car but she kept hopping off the sidewalk into the street. It's not a busy street, but she knows better so I was frustrated. Well, after 5 minutes of that she fell and burst into tears - and so did I. Luckily my Aunt saw us and came over to help, but in that moment I felt so defeated. 

I've been holding it together really well for the last few weeks. I've only cried once since the day Jordan left (a miracle for me...) and I've been keeping Charlotte and I busy to pass the time. I'm starting to wonder though, if maybe we both just need to slow down. Is it possible that keeping us busy is wearing me out? Probably. But if I'm not busy, I get sad. I don't know which one is worse, feeling sad or running around and potentially spreading myself thin. All at once, it hit me today. I'm exhausted. I'm overwhelmed. I need help, and that's okay. I've been trying to hard to do this all on my own, yet I have such a great support system around me. 

I've been so blessed to have so many people offer to help, yet I very rarely actually take them up on it. My dad has been letting me go to the gym after Charlotte goes to sleep, my Mother in Law took her for four days a while ago so I could have some time to relax. My aunts have all been willing to hangout with her any chance I need. My friend (hi Danielle!) has offered to hangout with her just so I can shower in peace. My mom I know will be more than willing to help when she gets back from Europe and my cousins have all offered more than once. 

I think I need to stop being so proud, and admit that sometimes I need help. How do single parents actually do this on a regular basis? I will never understand. I keep telling myself it's just temporary and I can't imagine if it wasn't. I hate asking for help, but more than that - I hate taking my frustration out on Charlotte. That's not fair to her. I'm noticing her acting out, and regressing with potty training and that's the last thing I want. I don't want this to effect her, I'm trying to maintain as much normalcy as possible. 

Things are getting easier, but I miss Jordan so much some days it actually hurts. I can't wait to get my husband back, but for the time being I just have to keep chugging along and trying to make it work.

I'm one person, and I'm not perfect. I'm a good mom, but everyone needs help once in a while. I can do this.

Getting settled

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Tomorrow marks 3 weeks since Jordan left for Basic Training. To be honest, I never imagined it could be possible to miss someone this much. We're only allowed to write letters, which is actually kind of nice. It gives Charlotte and I something to look forward to when we check the mail every morning, and she loves coloring pictures and mailing them to Daddy when I mail my letters.

He got to call us this week, and it was so good to hear his voice. He said he actually really likes it there and it's not anywhere near as bad as everyone made it out to be. He also told me he's already lost almost 10lbs! Guess I better start taking my diet seriously before my husband comes back and looks better than me ;) 

Anyway, Charlotte and I are settling into a new routine here in New Jersey. It's definitely been an adjustment getting used to being without Daddy but for the most part we're getting into the groove of things. Charlotte has been sleeping in her big girl bed every night, and loves getting to see all her family that we were away from for so long. She also got to spend some time with Nana and Papa last week! I've been trying really hard to keep myself busy, and I've been so lucky to have such a great support system around me. I was worried I would get home and be bored all the time, but between my family and the two friends I have at home I've managed to stay pretty distracted. 

I took Charlotte to the park in Westfield the other day, which she loved so we'll definitely be making more trips over there in the future!

Until next time!

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